I think between the two of us, we've raised a lot of money for the Society.. maybe a new wing in the Gutter?

I think your metaphors work beautifully and make their point without being flamboyant. But my favourite is this simile: They're like a vacancy advertisement where his soul used to be. A big knife slicing down, through my chest, sharp and fast, and I had to stop and stare a moment. I could see CE's eyes like that.