Stay of execution

[akainagi]

My insurance has decided to cover me for another day or two at the eating disorder center, which means I could be covered up to wednesday. My secret hope is that I get to stay through thursday morning so I can get another chance to try challenge breakfast since I couldn't go two weeks ago because of my unstable vital signs.

I watched the first half of the Branagh version of Hamlet in the wee hours of yesterday morning and it was amazingly good. I'm hoping to get to finish it this AM.

I'm in a huge funk because I ate my whole dinner last night (apple, green beans, 2 slices of pizza and soymilk). I feel like a horrible gutless fat piece of crap and I sooooooo want to skip breakfast this morning to make up for it. Before I do, though, I have to try some daily affirmations my CM wants me to use:
1. Being thin will not make me happy, only I can do that
2. I need to eat in order to have the energy to do what I love to do
3. It is not my voice telling me not to eat; it is ED who wants to control me forever
4. Two slices of pizza will not make me fat
5. I am an attractive person just as I am
Now to make myself believe all this shit ...

Comments

[akainagi.livejournal.com]

You poor dear. It makes me so sad to hear that you are going through this too. I have times where my mind tells e it's not worth the effort (usually it's tells me that the pleasure from food is so temporary, but the thinness can last forever). And if your so thin it makes you weak, it is definitely a problem in your life. Do you have a therapist? A good therapist (if one has the insurance to cover it, of course) is an invaluable tool in dealing not only with ED, but all of life's stressors. The scary thing about EDs is that they are like addictions. They start out mild and before you know it they have taken over your life.
Virtual hugz to you.