Why'd I think this was gonna be easy?
Sep. 16th, 2006 08:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
akainagiOkay, in the ongoing melodrama that is my life, which many of you are probably very sick of hearing about, I am once again at a job-related gridlock. And now it's time to, as one of my relations so delicately put it, shit or get off the pot.
I did an about face and turned down Somerville Hospital. I had a moment of clarity and realized I was uprooting myself for a guarantee of no more than 24 hours a week, and moving to one of the most expensive areas in New England. Done deal, glad I came to my senses.
So now I have been offered a position at a psychiatric hospital, 40 hours a week, at a tolerable rate of pay, in (of all places) Jamaica Plain. I also got a call yesterday from a coworker asking me if I wanted to switch bids at the nursing home with her. My unbenefitted 24 hour bid for her benefitted 32 hour bid. So I have a decision to make.
The decision is whether I want to stay here in this comfortable, cheap, small town where all my friends are, or whether I want to move back to the expensive urban setting where I don't know a single soul. It's also a decision about whether I want to stay doing my comfortable, predictable nursing home job for the indefinite future, or whether I want to move into acute care, with more chances for advancement and better pay. Part of me cares too much about what others think, and popular opinion would definitely consider me a loser for staying at the nursing home, no matter how content I am there. Several of my nursing instructors and classmates are of the opinion that nursing home nurses are not "real nurses," and I think some part of me believes that. But I love the relationships I have with my residents, and I would never be able to have those kind of relationships in the revolving-door atmosphere of acute care.
The decision is also whether I want to stay in the same area as my mother, or whether I want to get as far away from her as possible. The job in Jamaica Plain would get me away from her now, with a handy excuse for why I'm bailing on her. I question whether I have the guts to disconnect from her without the pretense of moving for a job. If I stay in this town, I'll probably continue living with her till spring. But when spring comes, will I really have the guts to move out, when I'm faces with her tears and my own guilt? The fact is that my mother can't continue living in her home without my assistance in the form of the rent I pay her. Sure, everybody say's that I'm not responsible for her, and they're right. But they're not facing the idea of being directly responsible for their retiree mother losing the roof over her head.
Either I move to a town near Jamaica Plain and set up shop within commuting distance of the hospital, and move dedicate my career to psychiatric nursing (a field I have a lot of interest in but not a whole lot of practical experience in, outside of school clinicals), or I make my home in Berlin for the indefinite future and continue my small town life and the nursing home job that I know I mostly enjoy. Either way, my job hunting is over.
I have (probably) until monday to turn this over in my head. It's gonna be a long weekend.
I did an about face and turned down Somerville Hospital. I had a moment of clarity and realized I was uprooting myself for a guarantee of no more than 24 hours a week, and moving to one of the most expensive areas in New England. Done deal, glad I came to my senses.
So now I have been offered a position at a psychiatric hospital, 40 hours a week, at a tolerable rate of pay, in (of all places) Jamaica Plain. I also got a call yesterday from a coworker asking me if I wanted to switch bids at the nursing home with her. My unbenefitted 24 hour bid for her benefitted 32 hour bid. So I have a decision to make.
The decision is whether I want to stay here in this comfortable, cheap, small town where all my friends are, or whether I want to move back to the expensive urban setting where I don't know a single soul. It's also a decision about whether I want to stay doing my comfortable, predictable nursing home job for the indefinite future, or whether I want to move into acute care, with more chances for advancement and better pay. Part of me cares too much about what others think, and popular opinion would definitely consider me a loser for staying at the nursing home, no matter how content I am there. Several of my nursing instructors and classmates are of the opinion that nursing home nurses are not "real nurses," and I think some part of me believes that. But I love the relationships I have with my residents, and I would never be able to have those kind of relationships in the revolving-door atmosphere of acute care.
The decision is also whether I want to stay in the same area as my mother, or whether I want to get as far away from her as possible. The job in Jamaica Plain would get me away from her now, with a handy excuse for why I'm bailing on her. I question whether I have the guts to disconnect from her without the pretense of moving for a job. If I stay in this town, I'll probably continue living with her till spring. But when spring comes, will I really have the guts to move out, when I'm faces with her tears and my own guilt? The fact is that my mother can't continue living in her home without my assistance in the form of the rent I pay her. Sure, everybody say's that I'm not responsible for her, and they're right. But they're not facing the idea of being directly responsible for their retiree mother losing the roof over her head.
Either I move to a town near Jamaica Plain and set up shop within commuting distance of the hospital, and move dedicate my career to psychiatric nursing (a field I have a lot of interest in but not a whole lot of practical experience in, outside of school clinicals), or I make my home in Berlin for the indefinite future and continue my small town life and the nursing home job that I know I mostly enjoy. Either way, my job hunting is over.
I have (probably) until monday to turn this over in my head. It's gonna be a long weekend.
