akainagi: (voyager - away teams)
Hope all my peeps in the U.S. are having a bangin' Memorial Day weekend.

So today I am holed up inside, trying to avoid cleaning by staring at word documents and waiting for inspiration to strike. I am legit the slowest writer on the planet, as anyone who follows any of my fics can tell you. There have been so many times I have been tempted to just quit writing, but my latest fic is up to 22k 24k, and after that much work I'll be dipped in shit if I gave up now.

So I pounded out about 2k of porn yesterday, which is actually really good for me, so I should be feeling kinda good, but instead I'm in a funk.

We had our DPH survey at work a couple of weeks ago, and it didn't go too badly. My unit actually did very well. So now we can just get on with the business of running a nursing home without worrying about the big bad wolf coming and blowing our house in. Again, I should be feeling good.

The Bruins are going to the Eastern Conference Finals again, which is awesome, but makes me a little melancholic. My dad would have loved to see them wipe the ice with New York like they did last round. I still miss him and it's been ten years.

It's weird. I'm not actually depressed per se. It's just kind of a "bleh" attitude that comes from holing my antisocial ass inside all weekend and not having much human interaction.

All I can do is plow on, I guess. Beats the alternative.
akainagi: (python - naughty chemist)
I took the management job. Which means I am now am having a general, all-purpose feak-out that I actually took the management job. But trying to put my best face forward and think positive for once in my life. If anyone sees a puff of smoke over the North Shore of Massachusetts, it means I spontaneously combusted from the effort.

The weekend off is a very welcome thing, even though I'm working on Christmas proper. Here's hoping for a quiet holiday night. And after that I go on day shift. Sleep, how I've missed you.

Lastly ...

Happy Holidays from the city of fish sticks, drunken sailors and Saint Peter )
akainagi: (trek - k/b marooned)
Woohoo night off! No med cart for me tonight. Although I will be doing some self-medicating. *eyeballs bottle of wine in the fridge*

I continue to plod through my [livejournal.com profile] space_wrapped. It's totally terrible so far, but I have high hopes that it will actually get done. I was thinking of turning it into a five and one fic, which would be much shorter and focus instead on the main charater interactions instead of getting bogged down with technical details. I like writing cheezy shippy shit and h/c and angst much more. And, as always, I find that I enjoy editing what I've already written far more than I like actually writing. Must be the ex-copy-journalist in me.

Almost plowed into a deer on the way home last night. Unbelievable. I lived for over three years in the boonies of Berlin and I barely saw deer. Yet I come withing six inches of hitting one in the middle of a Massachusetts highway. At fifty miles per hour. Without my seatbelt on. I saw my life flash before my eyes. Note to self: your life is fucking boring.

And when I got home from work, I had missed a night of Word Wars. I hate you evening shift.

[livejournal.com profile] akainagi has a new userhead. And, yes, she is referring to herself in the third person just so she can show it off.

Now I am off to therapy to bitch to a professional. She is not anywhere near as tolerant of my shit as my f-list is.
akainagi: (nice ass)
Misaki: "It must be nice to be in a relationship."
Usagi: "We are in a relationship."
Misaki: "We are?!?"
Usagi: "Why are you so shocked? We live together, eat together, sleep together. I mess you up in particular places. We thrust things in and out. And finally -"
Misaki: "Don't say it!!!"

Poor Misaki. Repeated sexual escapades with Usagi-san does in fact make you gay. But cheer up! At least you're on the bottom and Usagi-san has to do all the work.

On the RL front, I am once again gainfully employed full-time. It's awesome, because maybe I'll be less broke, but it seriously cuts into my writing time. How am I supposed to get any serious fangirling done now? Tch.

I guess that's what they make weekends for, eh?
akainagi: (excel - life's not fair)
I have always had a hard time turning down even the worst of jobs. Probably d/t poor self-esteem and the assumption that I better settle for the first job I'm offered for fear that I'll never get offered anything better. This morning I had to say no to a managerial position. One that was way too far away and at a facility that appears incredibly poorly run, understaffed and horribly disorganized. The kind of place that makes you fear for your nursing license. Even if it was a tolerable facility, the distance I would have to travel everyday would make it untenable.

But. I. Need. A. Fucking. Job.

Like yesterday.

But I know that if I take something like the above that I will run myself into the ground. And when I quit or get canned because I bit off more than I can chew, then I might not even have the benefit of unemployment.

Had an interview for a different position right here in Gloucester last Friday. It was at a facility that is the total opposite of the aforementioned scary one. I'm hoping to get some kind of offer out of that.
akainagi: (Default)
Still looking for work, having a lot of bad days interspersed with some good days, but at least there are some good days in there somewhere. Think I've got a good shot at a unit manager job in Medford, which is a little further than I wanted to travel, but beggars can;t be choosers. Today was one of the better days. Saw the movie "9" today. Awesome - loved it. Jennifer Connelly doing one of the voices was a bonus.
Am a little worried that we're going to get buried in snow tomorrow and I'm supposed to be at my PCP and my psychopharm. What with Gloucester and its wonderful record with snow removal. At least I don't have to drive to work in it.


Jan. 26th, 2010 08:12 am
akainagi: (angst)
Lost my job. Stumbling around like a fool looking for a new one. Super depressed, eating disorder in full swing. Family being horrible.
That about covers it.
akainagi: (dw - bugger)
People need to make money.
To make money, said people need to work.
In order for this particular person to go back to work, I need to make my MD happy.
What will make my MD happy is for me to eat.
Thus equals one unhappy MD and one broke me.
akainagi: (dw - bugger)
Back on the recovery wagon after a 4 day relapse. Stepping down to intensive outpatient today (5 day a week evenings) at the ED center.
First day back at work today.
And I walk straight into the middle of a DPH survey.
.... F*** my life.
akainagi: (Default)
Ack! Another mock survey. The hippies were right: corporations are evil. Or was that the green party? I can never remember.
I close on my condo in three weeks and one day. I'm pretty excited. I can't wait to start decorating and bringing my stuff down from NH. It's just where I want to be, too. Walking distance to the train, downtown Gloucester (!shopping!) and the park/beach.
My mother hates it and isn't speaking to me at the moment. She's pissed because it's a one bedroom and doesn't have any room for her to move in and (continue to) rule my life. The moral of the story: There isn't anything so sacred in life that your family can't ruin it for you. Or try to at least.
In closing, I ask all the women out there - Is there anything quite as nice as finding a bra that fits perfectly. On sale no less. Especially after wearing ones that don't fit. I seriously feel like a million bucks. It feels awesome. My girls feel all supported.
akainagi: (Roy - Year)
Thanks to those who offered condolences on Lilly's passing. I'm sorry I couldn't respond in turn, but it helps to know that people were thinking about me. Thanks.

Incredibly busy at work, with JHACO survey coming and two mock surveys just recently. So needless to say all the management is in a panic, myself included.

Still trying to find a permanent place to live. I'm in a short term rental, hence no computer, hence my incommunicado status as of late.

I have a home inspection for the house I'm trying to buy on Monday. We'll see what they come up with for problems and whether I can afford to fix them. It's a nice house in a decent neighborhood, but it is an older home, so who knows.

Computer time is up. So long 'till next time.
akainagi: (dw - hurt)
Posting from work. I hate the weekends here, but at least there is usually more down time. And after the way this place has been lately down time is worth it's weight in gold.
I've applied for a manager's position at my current facility which I don't think I have a snowball's chance in hell of getting. The only reason I want it is that it might get me to an easier wing, and it would give me weekends off, so I could start taking classes again.

The problem with managing, as opposed to just being a line nurse, is that it's not enough for you to take care of your patients well, but you have to manage people who have no desire to take care of their patient's well ... or sometimes at all. I've never been good at dealing with laziness and insubordination in those below me. How can you make another person do something when you don't really have the power to threaten them with serious discipline (i.e. suspension and termination).

I realize now how spoiled I was by the LNA's back in Berlin. Most of them were hard working and followed instructions, but yet cared enough about their patients to respectfully disagree with bad instructions.

This job, which for a while was improving, is wearing me down. I get up at 5am to get to work at 630am, I'm supposed to get out at 3pm, but secondary to the fact that nobody here understands the concept of getting to work on time, all last week I got out consistently at 5 in the evening. And I have to get home, take care of dogs, food, shopping and household stuff to get to bed between 8 and 9.

Speaking of dogs, I'm now giving my old geezer Lilly subcutaneous infusions of lactated ringers twice a day, along with liquid antibiotics twice a day. Took her to the vet expecting to hear that she needed to be put down, and he tells us that she is dehydrated and has a bladder infection. The first SQ infusion was easy. But now she's starting to get her pep back as has realized "Damn! They're poking me with a giant needle! I better squirm and bark my head off." But I think she's feeling better, and she's certainly eating better, which is great.

I took my uncle in for a cardioversion at BIDMC on my last day off, which they ended up not doing. Afterwards I took a trip into Harvard Square and spent some of that overtime money I've been earning. Got the Evangelion art book and the Final Fantasy 5 and 6 sountracks. I shop at Tokyo Kid so much they're starting to give me a discount. And tomorrow I'm going bra shopping to buy bras for the new, thinner me.
akainagi: (dw - hurt)
It's been a super-busy couple of weeks.

My job has been alternating from tolerable to horrible. I can see why they have such a high turnover rate in the unit I work in. Besides the crappy working conditions and staff conflicts, time-off is nearly impossible to get. This is apparently why they pay so well: it's the only way they can get anyone to work there. I've been sick for the last week, but can't afford to go the to doctor because my health insurance hasn't kicked in yet. Neither has my sick time.

My uncle is back in the hospital after having a pacemaker put in a couple weeks ago. His blood pressure and pulse keep skyrocketing and they can't figure out why. He's (naturally) worried and stressed about that. The problem is my uncle doesn't handle worry and stress well. He expresses it through frequent angry outbursts at whoever's nearby. And I'm nearby.

My older dog's decline into senility and decrepitude continues. She's blind, her eating is poor and her quality of life is nil. I love her, but it is past time to put her down. My mother doesn't want to address it until after the holidays are over for fear of "bad associations." She's been as much my mother's dog as mine, so I want to respect her wishes, but it's getting harder to bear.

Christmas is a high-stress time for me anyway. Getting gifts for people I care about is not the problem - it's all those obligatory gifts and cards, usually for co-workers and acquaintances. And then there are the gifts you have to get for people who, unexpectedly and inexplicably, got you something so now you have to reciprocate in kind.

Not to mention we keep getting slammed with nor'easters. If the frozen snowbank in front of my house gets any higher I'm gonna have to buy mountaineering equipment.
akainagi: (dw - eyeroll)
... this day is over.
Volunteering to work Thanksgiving = temporary insanity on my part.
I swear all the patients were hopped up on speed or something. And they didn't share with me. How selfish.
akainagi: (dw - hurt)
Work is gradually getting better. My biggest goal now is to try and get out on time consistently and to not kill the 3-11 nurse I report off to. I don't know why, but she really doesn't like me. I'm told by some of the other staff that that's just her personality. Some people don't like anyone. I think she just has a very low tolerance for my rookie mistakes. But she can bite me. We all have to learn somewhere.

My uncle is going into the hospital tomorrow for a cardioversion and a pacemaker insertion. Being a man, of course he can't just admit that he's scared out of his wits about it (which he is). Instead he just goes into a fit of manly anger at the drop of a hat, venting to anyone nearby. In this respect, I think women have an easier lot. It's at least socially acceptable for us to cry and freak out and be scared. And who wouldn't be scared that their heart is basically going to be electrocuted for therapeutic reasons and then have wires poked into it. That being said, they're both fairly routine procedures.

I have company this weekend too, which is going to be tricky balancing my family obligations with my social ones, but I'll make it work. I'm just psyched to be having company, even considering the timing. It's still pretty lonely down here. Planning on going into the North End and introducing Darci to a Mike's Pastry cannoli in its natural habitat. We'll be close to the BI too, if they decide to release my uncle. If the two of us have to take a detour to pick him up at the hospital, oh well. Darci says she doesn't mind, and my uncle will have two nurses to escort him home.
akainagi: (dw - hell yeah!)
Turns out work screwed up my schedule and told me I was working the weekend opposite of what I'm actually working. So I have to work tomorrow instead of going out and having fun like I planned. Totally not complaining, though. This is the weekend schedule I originally wanted, so I'm psyched. Now I'm back on the same weekend as my friends.
Score one for my social life.
akainagi: (dw - magnificent)
Maybe all I needed at work was for everyone to get out of my face and let me do it my way. I did my first day on my own (which I guess means I'm officially off orientation), and I can't say that it went too badly. Rather the opposite. I only got out about 45 minutes late, which isn't too bad considering all I had to do at the last minute. And everything got done.

I'm off this weekend. Think I'll probably take the train into Boston, go to NEAQ, maybe see what's at the IMAX. Maybe I'll go to Wagamama or Pho Pasteur in Cambridge. See if there are any new yaoi manga at Tokyo Kid. Do the kind of stuff I moved down here to do. Other than that, I'll just fart around the house, do laundry, and lurk around eljay.
akainagi: (dw - bugger)
Wow. That was one crappy day.
I have come to the conclusion that my new job could take a few pointers from my old job as far as organization, policy and paperwork. I hope this day was just an anomaly and not an indication of how the rest of my tenure here is going to be.
It was my first day doing a med pass, and it did not go awfully well. I got behind, I felt clueless, and I almost made a med error. And I find that all the lovely mountains of paperwork the management has been telling me I must do whenever a sparrow farts goes out the window when the person training me doesn't feel like going through with it.
And at the end of a long 8 hours I walked out witout giving the oncoming nurse report. I just forgot. The oncoming nurse was the one who had been TRAINING me all day long on the same side, so I can't understand why she would need report, but I suppose she had been expecting it. I'm probably going to hear about it tomorrow.
akainagi: (dw - hell yeah!)
God, it's so nice to be out of Berlin.
I'm definitely going back to visit, I have friends and my mother there. But the fact that I don't have to go back there to live just makes me so happy. It's so dank and depressing and the neighbors were all assholes. There was nothing to do. Opposite of here.
Started the job. It looks like it will be okay. I can't really get a clear idea of how things will go this early into orientation. When I actually start rolling my sleeves up and working, then I'll be able to tell for sure.
I had my first confrontation with my uncle. Then my second. Then my third. By the fourth one I blew my stack. Then he apologized and has been pretty much a peach ever since. I guess I should have done that sooner. We watched the UNH/CC game last night. Fantastic game. Made even more fantastic by the fact that UNH won.
Still don't have my computer. I'm using the library's computer at the moment. Won't have mine till next weekend. I'm going into 9Rose withdrawal. *sob*
Love to all
akainagi: (dw - hurt)
I'll be offline for about a week while I get myself set up in my new town and start my new job, as I will be computer-less. As well as playstationless and dvdplayerless. I'll probably be too busy to be bored, though. In my spare time, I'm going to work on more 9Rose fics to try and placate the plotbunnies that are nibbling on my frontal lobe.
See you all later!

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