Kotoba no Renkinjutsushi ~ 言葉の錬金術師 ~

An 8am phone call, complete with yelling, tears and recrimination. And I haven't even had my goddamn coffee yet. This family sucks. It really, really does.

More appointments this week than I can count, and one very looooooong job interview. And I'm so out of practice with bullshitting. I sat there smiling like a moron and acting all peppy when all I really wanted to do was grab the interviewer by the front of the shirt and yell why the hell do you think I want this job? It's a fucking JOB.

Got a call from the Obama people at about nine-o-clock at night. And that was about the only group of people who could solicit me at that time of night (or any other time, really) and not receive an earfull of profanity and a dial tone. They want help carpooling up to New Hampshire to do canvassing. And god help me, I'm actually considering it. Although after the phone call this morning I've decided that (at least in my head), it's no longer called New Hampshire. It is now The-Unfortunate-State-That-My-Crazy-Asshole-Mother-Happens-To-Inhabit.

One good thing - the viewing party over at T'Lara's Cinema of Squee is Amok Time this week. I need to stock up on a 12-pack to get through the drinking game. Actually, there might not be enough booze in Gloucester to get me through that episode (and if there's one thing Gloucester has plenty of, it's booze). Why do I need so much beer for one episode? This would be why:

note:I didn't make this (but I wish I had)

So all Spirk fans check it out at 4pm tomorrow and celebrate K/S day. I think TV was invented for the express purpose of showing this episode. That and so we might all see the glory of Kirk in those red tights. I want to build a religion around his ass in those tights. In fact, next time the Jehova's Witnesses come to my door, I'm going to tell them all about it.

Posting from work. I hate the weekends here, but at least there is usually more down time. And after the way this place has been lately down time is worth it's weight in gold.
I've applied for a manager's position at my current facility which I don't think I have a snowball's chance in hell of getting. The only reason I want it is that it might get me to an easier wing, and it would give me weekends off, so I could start taking classes again.

The problem with managing, as opposed to just being a line nurse, is that it's not enough for you to take care of your patients well, but you have to manage people who have no desire to take care of their patient's well ... or sometimes at all. I've never been good at dealing with laziness and insubordination in those below me. How can you make another person do something when you don't really have the power to threaten them with serious discipline (i.e. suspension and termination).

I realize now how spoiled I was by the LNA's back in Berlin. Most of them were hard working and followed instructions, but yet cared enough about their patients to respectfully disagree with bad instructions.

This job, which for a while was improving, is wearing me down. I get up at 5am to get to work at 630am, I'm supposed to get out at 3pm, but secondary to the fact that nobody here understands the concept of getting to work on time, all last week I got out consistently at 5 in the evening. And I have to get home, take care of dogs, food, shopping and household stuff to get to bed between 8 and 9.

Speaking of dogs, I'm now giving my old geezer Lilly subcutaneous infusions of lactated ringers twice a day, along with liquid antibiotics twice a day. Took her to the vet expecting to hear that she needed to be put down, and he tells us that she is dehydrated and has a bladder infection. The first SQ infusion was easy. But now she's starting to get her pep back as has realized "Damn! They're poking me with a giant needle! I better squirm and bark my head off." But I think she's feeling better, and she's certainly eating better, which is great.

I took my uncle in for a cardioversion at BIDMC on my last day off, which they ended up not doing. Afterwards I took a trip into Harvard Square and spent some of that overtime money I've been earning. Got the Evangelion art book and the Final Fantasy 5 and 6 sountracks. I shop at Tokyo Kid so much they're starting to give me a discount. And tomorrow I'm going bra shopping to buy bras for the new, thinner me.

... tiredtiredtiredtiredtiredtiredtired.
...
...
... *faceplant*
...
... *gets back up*

I've been on 3-11 for a couple months now and I really do like it better than 11-7.

But I HATE SUPERVISING. I REALLY REALLY HATE IT. REALLY.

Ahem. You see, I am not a "take charge" kind of person. I prefer to think of myself as one of those valuable supporting cast members who works their hiney off and thereby makes themselves useful. I am not a bitch or a hardass, which is a necessary qualityto manage the kind of staff we have. I am not even very confident in my abilities as an RN yet, having been one for less than a year. But, due to short staffing I keep having to supervise our slightly-less-than-100-bed facility, often while having to pass meds to a quarter of the residents. And passing meds is considered a full-time job itself.

I never envisioned myself doing this. On quiet nights it makes me uncomfortable. On busy nights gives me a stress ulcer. Then it sends me home three hours late so I can dive into several consecutive bottles of beer in an attempt to forget my horrible performance. I got out a 2AM last night. My shift ended at 11. And then I come home to find a bear in my front yard trying to raid my birdfeeder for a snack.

Okay. I have to stop venting now or I'll never stop.

On a less self-pitying note: I picked up the first two volumes of Viewfinder on my last trip to Tokyokid. *Waves to 4everinblujeans*

For those who have never been to nursing school, let me enlighten you as to the true nature of clinical rotations:

It's like being smothered in honey and then buried up to your neck in a fire-ant hill. It's like being boiled in oil and then dipped in salt all the time with an instructor critiquing whether you scream in pitch or not. It's trying to dispense potentially lethal medications while trying to remember your five rights, your ABC's, your CPR, your R&R's, and your ABG's. All with a teacher breathing down your neck. All while wearing a *really* stupid outfit.

All I wanna do is sleep. And then study for the test I have coming up on Wednesday. Instead I'm gonna lie awake half the night stressing about my day tomorrow. And tomorrow night I'll lie awake stressing about the exam. And then I'll have one whole night off before I have to go to work for the weekend.

If that wasn't bad enough, a dozen Yuuram plot bunnies have nested in my brain, but I don't have time to write anything more than this self-pitying bitchrant. And god forbid I do spend time one anything other than schoolwork, then I feel guilty about it. I can't wait until I graduate and all I have to worry about is going to work and not killing my family members in a fit of repressed rage.

*deep breath*

*crash*

nite nite.

Sugoku tsukareta da yo.
So I'm sitting here studying my micro, sucking on a beer, listening to some Asian Kung Fu Generation and counting off the seconds until Aarinfantasy finally fansubs Papa to Kiss in the Dark. Just another day in paradise. Did I mention it's like 12 below zero? Well it is.
I had to take a break from Magna Carta, because as much as I love the whole Calintz/Azel thing, Reith is just getting on my last fucking nerve. Goddamn hippie chick. Give me Maya any day. At least she keeps her mouth shut.
I wonder why it is my tolerance for goody-goody female lead video game characters is so low. Rinoa, Garnet, Aerith, Reith. They all annoyed the shit out of me. Nana in BOF:DQ was okay in that, like Maya, she kept her mouth shut and just looked cute. Being the strongest room deodorizer in history was a pretty cool perk too. I always go for the broody, older, bitchier female romantic leads ... or I just pick the cutest guy around. Mmmmmmmm. Calintz and Azel sandwich.

Made it through two more days of clinical and all I have to show for it is fifteen pages worth of lab values and one very dirty pair of white pants.
I can't wait until I graduate. Did I mention that?
When I went into nursing I had no idea how much time I would be spending taking care of the terminally ill. Cancer, liver failure, renal failure, heart failure, all that shit. There's just something disturbing about talking about a "quality end-of-life experience" like you're buying a car or riding a rollercoaster. Or saying that someone's "having some anxiety concerning the end of his life." Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say they're scared shitless because they're gonna die?
I remember reading a form we fill out when we send medications back to the pharmacy. You have little boxes to check telling why you're sending it back. I remember box was labeled "expired." I thought they meant an expired drug. My super corrected me and said, no that box is for when the resident expires.
At work we always say people expire. People don't expire. Milk expires. People die.

God this weather makes me wanna crawl into bed and get out in time to vote in the next presidential election, but not before. Rainy, cold, windy, gray and other unflattering adjectives.

And work sucks. All the residents are sick with the cold. And last night there was two aides and me to take care of fifty people. Even the non-healthcare person has to see something wrong with that: fifty people who want cough syrup with only one person to pass it to them. It doesn't take a rocket scientist. My cool boss is back though. Maybe now all the idiots will stop talking smack about the poor woman when she's not around. None of them have the balls to say anything to her face.

I have a big honking exam on coronary artery disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and chronic bronchitis coming up this week, and I just can't seem to motivate myself to get to studying. I'd rather play radiata stories or write senseless analytical essays on various shounen-ai series. Actually, I wouldn't have to study as much if I didn't spend half my classtime writing senseless analytical essays on various shounen-ai series. I'll have to post my detailed dissertation on the "hotel room scene" from the Mirage of Blaze OVA sometime. It's MoB's fault I missed half of the COPD lecture. Naoe/Takaya has invaded my brain. And it's LOVELESS' fault I missed my CAD lecture. I was too freaking busy writing a rambling essay on why episode 12 sucked and how they could've made it something that didn't make their most dedicated fans want to retch. Okay, I 'm being a little harsh. It had its okay points, but by and large it was craptacular.

Oh, well. I have to go try and make my dogs poop in the pouring rain now.