akainagi: (alice - queenie does not approve)
I don't really want to leave LJ, so why do they have to suck so damn hard. My favorite comms are threatening to mass-exodus over to DW because LJ now has a shitty friends page, and can't seem to keep their service up and running for more than a day at a time, if that. So I am trying to get my shit together over here at DW, in the event I actually have to make the leap.

My primary home is still on LJ, but I will be crossposting a lot of my stuff over here on DW.
akainagi: (Default)
An 8am phone call, complete with yelling, tears and recrimination. And I haven't even had my goddamn coffee yet. This family sucks. It really, really does.

More appointments this week than I can count, and one very looooooong job interview. And I'm so out of practice with bullshitting. I sat there smiling like a moron and acting all peppy when all I really wanted to do was grab the interviewer by the front of the shirt and yell why the hell do you think I want this job? It's a fucking JOB.

Got a call from the Obama people at about nine-o-clock at night. And that was about the only group of people who could solicit me at that time of night (or any other time, really) and not receive an earfull of profanity and a dial tone. They want help carpooling up to New Hampshire to do canvassing. And god help me, I'm actually considering it. Although after the phone call this morning I've decided that (at least in my head), it's no longer called New Hampshire. It is now The-Unfortunate-State-That-My-Crazy-Asshole-Mother-Happens-To-Inhabit.

One good thing - the viewing party over at T'Lara's Cinema of Squee is Amok Time this week. I need to stock up on a 12-pack to get through the drinking game. Actually, there might not be enough booze in Gloucester to get me through that episode (and if there's one thing Gloucester has plenty of, it's booze). Why do I need so much beer for one episode? This would be why:

note:I didn't make this (but I wish I had)

So all Spirk fans check it out at 4pm tomorrow and celebrate K/S day. I think TV was invented for the express purpose of showing this episode. That and so we might all see the glory of Kirk in those red tights. I want to build a religion around his ass in those tights. In fact, next time the Jehova's Witnesses come to my door, I'm going to tell them all about it.
akainagi: (undies)
I go back to therapy tomorrow which honestly scares the shit out of me since I've been out of it so long. It was bad enough when I was going regularly; an hour a week of pathetic angsty whinging. Now I have to recap the epic fail that has been my life since I got out of the hospital months ago.

Meds still being adjusted, my concentration is completely fucked and I'm still depressed as all hell. I started the summer with two immediate relatives, and now only one is talking to me, although the blame for that sits squarely on both our shoulders. And it's probably for the best. My uncle is literally incapable of responding to frustration with anything but rage, and I don't need that right now. And he's better off not getting involved in my so-called-angsty-life as it stands right now.

My mother, on the other hand, is trying. But she has no clue. And she doesn't really want to have one, either. She'll sit there and tell me how dumb it was to go in the hospital in the first place. Despite the fact that if I hadn't gone, I very probably wouldn't be alive to type this pathetic, self-pitying bitchrant of a post.

To recap: FML.

akainagi: (dw - hurt)
Posting from work. I hate the weekends here, but at least there is usually more down time. And after the way this place has been lately down time is worth it's weight in gold.
I've applied for a manager's position at my current facility which I don't think I have a snowball's chance in hell of getting. The only reason I want it is that it might get me to an easier wing, and it would give me weekends off, so I could start taking classes again.

The problem with managing, as opposed to just being a line nurse, is that it's not enough for you to take care of your patients well, but you have to manage people who have no desire to take care of their patient's well ... or sometimes at all. I've never been good at dealing with laziness and insubordination in those below me. How can you make another person do something when you don't really have the power to threaten them with serious discipline (i.e. suspension and termination).

I realize now how spoiled I was by the LNA's back in Berlin. Most of them were hard working and followed instructions, but yet cared enough about their patients to respectfully disagree with bad instructions.

This job, which for a while was improving, is wearing me down. I get up at 5am to get to work at 630am, I'm supposed to get out at 3pm, but secondary to the fact that nobody here understands the concept of getting to work on time, all last week I got out consistently at 5 in the evening. And I have to get home, take care of dogs, food, shopping and household stuff to get to bed between 8 and 9.

Speaking of dogs, I'm now giving my old geezer Lilly subcutaneous infusions of lactated ringers twice a day, along with liquid antibiotics twice a day. Took her to the vet expecting to hear that she needed to be put down, and he tells us that she is dehydrated and has a bladder infection. The first SQ infusion was easy. But now she's starting to get her pep back as has realized "Damn! They're poking me with a giant needle! I better squirm and bark my head off." But I think she's feeling better, and she's certainly eating better, which is great.

I took my uncle in for a cardioversion at BIDMC on my last day off, which they ended up not doing. Afterwards I took a trip into Harvard Square and spent some of that overtime money I've been earning. Got the Evangelion art book and the Final Fantasy 5 and 6 sountracks. I shop at Tokyo Kid so much they're starting to give me a discount. And tomorrow I'm going bra shopping to buy bras for the new, thinner me.
akainagi: (dw - bugger)
Wow. That was one crappy day.
I have come to the conclusion that my new job could take a few pointers from my old job as far as organization, policy and paperwork. I hope this day was just an anomaly and not an indication of how the rest of my tenure here is going to be.
It was my first day doing a med pass, and it did not go awfully well. I got behind, I felt clueless, and I almost made a med error. And I find that all the lovely mountains of paperwork the management has been telling me I must do whenever a sparrow farts goes out the window when the person training me doesn't feel like going through with it.
And at the end of a long 8 hours I walked out witout giving the oncoming nurse report. I just forgot. The oncoming nurse was the one who had been TRAINING me all day long on the same side, so I can't understand why she would need report, but I suppose she had been expecting it. I'm probably going to hear about it tomorrow.
akainagi: (life's not fair)
... tiredtiredtiredtiredtiredtiredtired.
... *faceplant*
... *gets back up*

I've been on 3-11 for a couple months now and I really do like it better than 11-7.


Ahem. You see, I am not a "take charge" kind of person. I prefer to think of myself as one of those valuable supporting cast members who works their hiney off and thereby makes themselves useful. I am not a bitch or a hardass, which is a necessary qualityto manage the kind of staff we have. I am not even very confident in my abilities as an RN yet, having been one for less than a year. But, due to short staffing I keep having to supervise our slightly-less-than-100-bed facility, often while having to pass meds to a quarter of the residents. And passing meds is considered a full-time job itself.

I never envisioned myself doing this. On quiet nights it makes me uncomfortable. On busy nights gives me a stress ulcer. Then it sends me home three hours late so I can dive into several consecutive bottles of beer in an attempt to forget my horrible performance. I got out a 2AM last night. My shift ended at 11. And then I come home to find a bear in my front yard trying to raid my birdfeeder for a snack.

Okay. I have to stop venting now or I'll never stop.

On a less self-pitying note: I picked up the first two volumes of Viewfinder on my last trip to Tokyokid. *Waves to [livejournal.com profile] 4everinblujeans*
akainagi: (wtf)
HOLY SHIT! I just saw the starting prices for the Playstation 3. Get ready ...
You gotta be fucking joking.
That is a rediculous amount of money for a video game console. I will probably end up getting one eventually, but not right away like I originally intended to. This is gonna take some saving up, and as I make a decent amount of money, that's saying something. That's just way too much money. I could buy a new computer for that. It's like a month's rent.

In other news, I got the low-down on Final Fantasy 12, and it looks like a bitter dissapointment. They've revamped the battle system to make it more "real-time" (I hate that word) and stylized even the moogles so they're unrecognizable. The venerable Nobuo Uematsu will be doing only the theme this time, and all the other music will be handled by this other dude I've never heard of. I've seen pictures of some of the characters and all I have to say is this: Scantily clad BUNNY GIRLS? HAVE YOU NO SHAME? I thought FFx-2 was a dud, but so far it looks like the greatest game of all time compared to this.
akainagi: (angst)
For those who have never been to nursing school, let me enlighten you as to the true nature of clinical rotations:

It's like being smothered in honey and then buried up to your neck in a fire-ant hill. It's like being boiled in oil and then dipped in salt all the time with an instructor critiquing whether you scream in pitch or not. It's trying to dispense potentially lethal medications while trying to remember your five rights, your ABC's, your CPR, your R&R's, and your ABG's. All with a teacher breathing down your neck. All while wearing a *really* stupid outfit.

All I wanna do is sleep. And then study for the test I have coming up on Wednesday. Instead I'm gonna lie awake half the night stressing about my day tomorrow. And tomorrow night I'll lie awake stressing about the exam. And then I'll have one whole night off before I have to go to work for the weekend.

If that wasn't bad enough, a dozen Yuuram plot bunnies have nested in my brain, but I don't have time to write anything more than this self-pitying bitchrant. And god forbid I do spend time one anything other than schoolwork, then I feel guilty about it. I can't wait until I graduate and all I have to worry about is going to work and not killing my family members in a fit of repressed rage.

*deep breath*


nite nite.


Jan. 2nd, 2006 09:11 am
akainagi: (What's so funny?)
How is it I never knew of this rule before? This sucks. I head off to go the the post-office, where my copy of the FiFan 9 soundtrack is sitting in a lonely little large-parcel locker waiting for me, only to find that they are CLOSED. I truly don't understand why they get Monday off when the holiday falls on a sunday. I had to work Christmas AND New Years. It's not post-office hating (I am the somtimes-proud daughter of a lifetime postal worker, besides, it's a federal thing), I just don't GET it. IT'S NOT A HOLIDAY GODDAMMIT! NOW GIVE ME MY MAIL!
and i'm sick ... bleh.
akainagi: (huh)
Sugoku tsukareta da yo.
So I'm sitting here studying my micro, sucking on a beer, listening to some Asian Kung Fu Generation and counting off the seconds until Aarinfantasy finally fansubs Papa to Kiss in the Dark. Just another day in paradise. Did I mention it's like 12 below zero? Well it is.
I had to take a break from Magna Carta, because as much as I love the whole Calintz/Azel thing, Reith is just getting on my last fucking nerve. Goddamn hippie chick. Give me Maya any day. At least she keeps her mouth shut.
I wonder why it is my tolerance for goody-goody female lead video game characters is so low. Rinoa, Garnet, Aerith, Reith. They all annoyed the shit out of me. Nana in BOF:DQ was okay in that, like Maya, she kept her mouth shut and just looked cute. Being the strongest room deodorizer in history was a pretty cool perk too. I always go for the broody, older, bitchier female romantic leads ... or I just pick the cutest guy around. Mmmmmmmm. Calintz and Azel sandwich.
akainagi: (Default)
work sucks.
I love unions, don't get me wrong. Without a union my father wouldn't have lasted five minutes at his postal service job, let aone over 20 years.
That being said, the problem with unions is they make it harder for the lousy shit-lazy workers to get fired. As a result, good, hard working people have to pick up the slack ... indefinitely. Come to think of it, that's the reason WHY my dad never got canned from his postal job despite showing up half-in-the-wrapper on a frequent basis. Thank god we're not THAT permissive. I suppose I should count my blessings.
I can say no more. Big Brother may be watching.
That's all for the two minutes hate.
akainagi: (confusedyet?)
Made it through two more days of clinical and all I have to show for it is fifteen pages worth of lab values and one very dirty pair of white pants.
I can't wait until I graduate. Did I mention that?
When I went into nursing I had no idea how much time I would be spending taking care of the terminally ill. Cancer, liver failure, renal failure, heart failure, all that shit. There's just something disturbing about talking about a "quality end-of-life experience" like you're buying a car or riding a rollercoaster. Or saying that someone's "having some anxiety concerning the end of his life." Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say they're scared shitless because they're gonna die?
I remember reading a form we fill out when we send medications back to the pharmacy. You have little boxes to check telling why you're sending it back. I remember box was labeled "expired." I thought they meant an expired drug. My super corrected me and said, no that box is for when the resident expires.
At work we always say people expire. People don't expire. Milk expires. People die.
akainagi: (Lee icon by katokatt)
I just finished my two days at work minus one of my favorite residents.
Let me set the stage for you.
I come into class on Wednesday and one of my coworkers, asks me when my last day at work was. So I answer. And she says ....
"Oh. Then you know that xxx died." Like it was some hot fucking piece of gossip.
So I lose it, go into the bathroom and start crying.
This was a wonderful lady. She was the first person I ever passed a pill to in my professional life. I saw her every morning.
I don't understand how my coworker can be so fucking cold. She's worked there way longer than me. Doesn't it bother her when someone she's known for months dies?
I understand that we need to accept the fact that these people are at the end of their lives. We need to accept their deaths and do our jobs anyway. And I did that. But shouldn't you feel something? And when you pass the news on, shouldn't you do it with at least a little tact? And maybe not in a room full of people at the top of your lungs?
akainagi: (undies)
God this weather makes me wanna crawl into bed and get out in time to vote in the next presidential election, but not before. Rainy, cold, windy, gray and other unflattering adjectives.

And work sucks. All the residents are sick with the cold. And last night there was two aides and me to take care of fifty people. Even the non-healthcare person has to see something wrong with that: fifty people who want cough syrup with only one person to pass it to them. It doesn't take a rocket scientist. My cool boss is back though. Maybe now all the idiots will stop talking smack about the poor woman when she's not around. None of them have the balls to say anything to her face.

I have a big honking exam on coronary artery disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and chronic bronchitis coming up this week, and I just can't seem to motivate myself to get to studying. I'd rather play radiata stories or write senseless analytical essays on various shounen-ai series. Actually, I wouldn't have to study as much if I didn't spend half my classtime writing senseless analytical essays on various shounen-ai series. I'll have to post my detailed dissertation on the "hotel room scene" from the Mirage of Blaze OVA sometime. It's MoB's fault I missed half of the COPD lecture. Naoe/Takaya has invaded my brain. And it's LOVELESS' fault I missed my CAD lecture. I was too freaking busy writing a rambling essay on why episode 12 sucked and how they could've made it something that didn't make their most dedicated fans want to retch. Okay, I 'm being a little harsh. It had its okay points, but by and large it was craptacular.

Oh, well. I have to go try and make my dogs poop in the pouring rain now.

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