akainagi: (voyager - away teams)
Hope all my peeps in the U.S. are having a bangin' Memorial Day weekend.

So today I am holed up inside, trying to avoid cleaning by staring at word documents and waiting for inspiration to strike. I am legit the slowest writer on the planet, as anyone who follows any of my fics can tell you. There have been so many times I have been tempted to just quit writing, but my latest fic is up to 22k 24k, and after that much work I'll be dipped in shit if I gave up now.

So I pounded out about 2k of porn yesterday, which is actually really good for me, so I should be feeling kinda good, but instead I'm in a funk.

We had our DPH survey at work a couple of weeks ago, and it didn't go too badly. My unit actually did very well. So now we can just get on with the business of running a nursing home without worrying about the big bad wolf coming and blowing our house in. Again, I should be feeling good.

The Bruins are going to the Eastern Conference Finals again, which is awesome, but makes me a little melancholic. My dad would have loved to see them wipe the ice with New York like they did last round. I still miss him and it's been ten years.

It's weird. I'm not actually depressed per se. It's just kind of a "bleh" attitude that comes from holing my antisocial ass inside all weekend and not having much human interaction.

All I can do is plow on, I guess. Beats the alternative.
akainagi: (nice ass)
Misaki: "It must be nice to be in a relationship."
Usagi: "We are in a relationship."
Misaki: "We are?!?"
Usagi: "Why are you so shocked? We live together, eat together, sleep together. I mess you up in particular places. We thrust things in and out. And finally -"
Misaki: "Don't say it!!!"

Poor Misaki. Repeated sexual escapades with Usagi-san does in fact make you gay. But cheer up! At least you're on the bottom and Usagi-san has to do all the work.

On the RL front, I am once again gainfully employed full-time. It's awesome, because maybe I'll be less broke, but it seriously cuts into my writing time. How am I supposed to get any serious fangirling done now? Tch.

I guess that's what they make weekends for, eh?
akainagi: (excel - life's not fair)
I have always had a hard time turning down even the worst of jobs. Probably d/t poor self-esteem and the assumption that I better settle for the first job I'm offered for fear that I'll never get offered anything better. This morning I had to say no to a managerial position. One that was way too far away and at a facility that appears incredibly poorly run, understaffed and horribly disorganized. The kind of place that makes you fear for your nursing license. Even if it was a tolerable facility, the distance I would have to travel everyday would make it untenable.

But. I. Need. A. Fucking. Job.

Like yesterday.

But I know that if I take something like the above that I will run myself into the ground. And when I quit or get canned because I bit off more than I can chew, then I might not even have the benefit of unemployment.

Had an interview for a different position right here in Gloucester last Friday. It was at a facility that is the total opposite of the aforementioned scary one. I'm hoping to get some kind of offer out of that.
akainagi: (undies)
I go back to therapy tomorrow which honestly scares the shit out of me since I've been out of it so long. It was bad enough when I was going regularly; an hour a week of pathetic angsty whinging. Now I have to recap the epic fail that has been my life since I got out of the hospital months ago.

Meds still being adjusted, my concentration is completely fucked and I'm still depressed as all hell. I started the summer with two immediate relatives, and now only one is talking to me, although the blame for that sits squarely on both our shoulders. And it's probably for the best. My uncle is literally incapable of responding to frustration with anything but rage, and I don't need that right now. And he's better off not getting involved in my so-called-angsty-life as it stands right now.

My mother, on the other hand, is trying. But she has no clue. And she doesn't really want to have one, either. She'll sit there and tell me how dumb it was to go in the hospital in the first place. Despite the fact that if I hadn't gone, I very probably wouldn't be alive to type this pathetic, self-pitying bitchrant of a post.

To recap: FML.

akainagi: (angst)
I've been trying to put my best foot forward since forcibly becoming a lady of leisure. But I've never been good at the whole 'stiff upper lip' thing.

I'm depressed, broke, undermedicated (prescriptions), overmedicated (booze), without health care (no insurance), unemployed, and I kind of hate the world right now.

And I can't decide which I'm more pissed off at; myself or everyone else.
akainagi: (Default)
Still looking for work, having a lot of bad days interspersed with some good days, but at least there are some good days in there somewhere. Think I've got a good shot at a unit manager job in Medford, which is a little further than I wanted to travel, but beggars can;t be choosers. Today was one of the better days. Saw the movie "9" today. Awesome - loved it. Jennifer Connelly doing one of the voices was a bonus.
Am a little worried that we're going to get buried in snow tomorrow and I'm supposed to be at my PCP and my psychopharm. What with Gloucester and its wonderful record with snow removal. At least I don't have to drive to work in it.


Jan. 26th, 2010 08:12 am
akainagi: (angst)
Lost my job. Stumbling around like a fool looking for a new one. Super depressed, eating disorder in full swing. Family being horrible.
That about covers it.
akainagi: (dw - bugger)
Back on the recovery wagon after a 4 day relapse. Stepping down to intensive outpatient today (5 day a week evenings) at the ED center.
First day back at work today.
And I walk straight into the middle of a DPH survey.
.... F*** my life.
akainagi: (undies)
And now the Rival Employer has just upped their offer. Holy shit. I'll be making almost 30 bucks an hour on the weekends. And 3 bucks more per hour base rate.
I told myself I wasn't going to bail out on the job I already accepted. It's a wonderful job at a wonderful facility, just not a wonderful paycheck. But I don't know if I can justify going with a job that is not only not on the shift I want, but offering way less money. All because I was too hasty and accepted the first offer that met my minimum requirement.
And in burning them, I'm going to feel like the world's biggest asshole.
akainagi: (Default)
I'm sure every person on my f-list is sick and tired of listening to me bitch about my employment woes. But that's still not going to stop me.

I just accepted a new job earlier this week. I really liked the facility, the staff and the director of nurses seemed great. I got a real positive vibe. This job looks like it would provide me with the challenges I have been lacking before now. The only drawback is that this job is evenings, while I ideally wanted days. That and the salary barely meets my minimum requirement, even when you factor in the shift differential.

Today I got a full-time offer for day shift at another facility for more money. The shift I want, the pay I want, but the facility is not as nice, and the people are not as nice. And I have yet to meet the director face to face, because it seems that dealing with prospective employees is beneath her. She's had me dealing with her assistants. Not a good sign. And it will be dealing with dementia patients, something I'm already tired of doing.

I've burned a prospective employer before by accepting a job and then days later changing my mind, and I felt horrible about it. But I can't help but think that I would be happier with a day shift job, and in the end, money is the bottom line.


Feb. 9th, 2007 01:51 pm
akainagi: (undies)
My mission is to get so drunk tonight, that maybe I can forget the two horrible days I just had at work.

It is now over two months after I was given a bid on the evening shift, and I am still working 11-7.

Last night I pissed a supervisor off so bad, she reported me to the director of nursing, and I reported her too.

All I do is work and (try to) sleep.

I just need to survive two more weeks.
akainagi: (confusedyet?)
I'm beginning to think mental health and my family are mutually exclusive.

Very disturbed bitchrant behind cut. *Triggers* for anyone with an ED )

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