akainagi: (Default)
An 8am phone call, complete with yelling, tears and recrimination. And I haven't even had my goddamn coffee yet. This family sucks. It really, really does.

More appointments this week than I can count, and one very looooooong job interview. And I'm so out of practice with bullshitting. I sat there smiling like a moron and acting all peppy when all I really wanted to do was grab the interviewer by the front of the shirt and yell why the hell do you think I want this job? It's a fucking JOB.

Got a call from the Obama people at about nine-o-clock at night. And that was about the only group of people who could solicit me at that time of night (or any other time, really) and not receive an earfull of profanity and a dial tone. They want help carpooling up to New Hampshire to do canvassing. And god help me, I'm actually considering it. Although after the phone call this morning I've decided that (at least in my head), it's no longer called New Hampshire. It is now The-Unfortunate-State-That-My-Crazy-Asshole-Mother-Happens-To-Inhabit.

One good thing - the viewing party over at T'Lara's Cinema of Squee is Amok Time this week. I need to stock up on a 12-pack to get through the drinking game. Actually, there might not be enough booze in Gloucester to get me through that episode (and if there's one thing Gloucester has plenty of, it's booze). Why do I need so much beer for one episode? This would be why:

note:I didn't make this (but I wish I had)

So all Spirk fans check it out at 4pm tomorrow and celebrate K/S day. I think TV was invented for the express purpose of showing this episode. That and so we might all see the glory of Kirk in those red tights. I want to build a religion around his ass in those tights. In fact, next time the Jehova's Witnesses come to my door, I'm going to tell them all about it.
akainagi: (undies)
I go back to therapy tomorrow which honestly scares the shit out of me since I've been out of it so long. It was bad enough when I was going regularly; an hour a week of pathetic angsty whinging. Now I have to recap the epic fail that has been my life since I got out of the hospital months ago.

Meds still being adjusted, my concentration is completely fucked and I'm still depressed as all hell. I started the summer with two immediate relatives, and now only one is talking to me, although the blame for that sits squarely on both our shoulders. And it's probably for the best. My uncle is literally incapable of responding to frustration with anything but rage, and I don't need that right now. And he's better off not getting involved in my so-called-angsty-life as it stands right now.

My mother, on the other hand, is trying. But she has no clue. And she doesn't really want to have one, either. She'll sit there and tell me how dumb it was to go in the hospital in the first place. Despite the fact that if I hadn't gone, I very probably wouldn't be alive to type this pathetic, self-pitying bitchrant of a post.

To recap: FML.

akainagi: (dw - hurt)
It's been a super-busy couple of weeks.

My job has been alternating from tolerable to horrible. I can see why they have such a high turnover rate in the unit I work in. Besides the crappy working conditions and staff conflicts, time-off is nearly impossible to get. This is apparently why they pay so well: it's the only way they can get anyone to work there. I've been sick for the last week, but can't afford to go the to doctor because my health insurance hasn't kicked in yet. Neither has my sick time.

My uncle is back in the hospital after having a pacemaker put in a couple weeks ago. His blood pressure and pulse keep skyrocketing and they can't figure out why. He's (naturally) worried and stressed about that. The problem is my uncle doesn't handle worry and stress well. He expresses it through frequent angry outbursts at whoever's nearby. And I'm nearby.

My older dog's decline into senility and decrepitude continues. She's blind, her eating is poor and her quality of life is nil. I love her, but it is past time to put her down. My mother doesn't want to address it until after the holidays are over for fear of "bad associations." She's been as much my mother's dog as mine, so I want to respect her wishes, but it's getting harder to bear.

Christmas is a high-stress time for me anyway. Getting gifts for people I care about is not the problem - it's all those obligatory gifts and cards, usually for co-workers and acquaintances. And then there are the gifts you have to get for people who, unexpectedly and inexplicably, got you something so now you have to reciprocate in kind.

Not to mention we keep getting slammed with nor'easters. If the frozen snowbank in front of my house gets any higher I'm gonna have to buy mountaineering equipment.
akainagi: (in mourning)
I do not expect this week to go well.
My father died four years ago on the seventeeth of this month. And now my mother wants us to go away that part of the week, and is whipping out the whole "It's the anniversary" card and getting all weepy.
Fuck her. She can bawl her eyes out for all I care. That woman spent the last years of my father's life screaming at him and treating him like shit. Then she waits until I go out of town to spread his ashes, and asks me all teary-eyed after the fact "I hope you don't mind."
Fuck yes I mind, you selfish bitch. That was my father. I had as much right, if not more, to be there as you did. The last three years of pretending I don't hate your guts has worn me pretty thin. Forgive me if I don't toddle obediently behind you this time.
akainagi: (flippin bird)
Well, I made it back from my so-called "vacation." It was a totally unpleasant experience that wasted my spring break nearly completely. So now I have a large paper to write before Monday, which wouldn't be so bad if I didin't have to work every night of the weekend. And then I go back to school.
I wish I was an orphan. Or better yet I wish I had the fortitute to tell my mother, once and for all, to go f**k herself. But whenever I come close she starts with the guilting and the screaming and the crying and the your-just-like-your-father-ing. And I buy into the whole "I ruined my life for you" trip once again and do what she wants.
And that was my spring break, ladies and gentlemen.
And I was really hoping to find episode 62 of KKM out when I got back, but still nothing. And AK has just started on a new project on top of everying, so It could be a while. Apparently they have never heard of starting what you finish before taking on something else.
akainagi: (your mom)
... an eight hour drive. With my mother.
If no one hears from me again it's because I either killed myself in despair or committed matricide and went to jail for life.
akainagi: (confusedyet?)
I'm beginning to think mental health and my family are mutually exclusive.

Very disturbed bitchrant behind cut. *Triggers* for anyone with an ED )

October 2013

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